Dirty the Pooh and the Hundred Acre Shitpile/ chapter 1
This is the first audiobook in the Dirty the Pooh audiobook series and it's narrated by Jim Dale. The tile for this chapter is "In which Rabbit stuffs almost everything right in his arse and a stupid, black nigger goes poo-poo in bed" Plot It's July and all the animals are playing a game of "Licking the massive, big, enormous, fat, black, boner clean". They ejaculate on Piglet's face, who declares that he has won. Winnie the Pooh then wonders where Christopher Robin is, only for him to appear very soon after. Christopher Robin leads all the animals back to his house, where they all have orgies. Christopher Robin then shows off his skills at eating dick. Eeyore compliment Piglet's penis but gets beaten up by Christopher Robin. He then gives the animals gifts. They continue having orgies and soon they defecate piles of shit. Pooh hums about Piglet and shit then declares that everyone will die. Eeyore is the only one concerned by this. Transcript Jim Dale - (in time with the Winnie the Pooh theme) This is Jim Dale. (Fart noises) Dirty the Pooh and the Hundred Arce Shitpile, by Dirty Potter. Read for you by Jim Dale. Chapter One, in which Rabbit stuffs almost everything right in his ass and a stupid, black nigger goes poo-poo in bed. It was perfect summer day and the forest was sparkling. It was July. The animals were very excited. They were playing a game called "Licking the massive, big, enormous, fat, black, boner clean". All the animals sat on the ground and masturbated onto Piglet's face. Piglet - "I won the game!" Jim Dale - said Piglet. There was some pretty nasty stuff in the Hundred Acre Wood. Pooh was staring at his large, succulent erection. He never felt so horny in his entire life. Winnie the Pooh - "Piglet," Jim Dale - said Pooh. Piglet - "Oooohhh yes, Pooh!" Jim Dale - said Piglet. Winnie the Pooh - "I wonder where Christopher Robin has been?" Jim Dale - Just at that moment there was a whirring sound and a clickity sound and a pinging sound and a pooping sound and fucking sound and a gulping sound and a farting sound and shitting sound and a pissing sound and a fapping sound and a rapping (yeah nigger) sound and a (gasp) burping sound and a ccccrrrunching sound and a...um...err.. pinging sound and a ...errrr... pinging sound and a pirate sound (aye, aye, sir!) and there he was: Christopher Robin, just as he had always been, except that he was a faggot. He looked at them all and said, Christopher Robin - "Good mooorrning, niggers!" Jim Dale - Then, Christopher Robin led the animals back to his house. There, they had many hot and tight orgies and it made you feel good just to look at it and made you want to rub one off to it. Christopher Robin was polishing his disgusting, one eyed, snaky, trousers monster when the others arrived. Christopher Robin - "Come indoors, Pooh and Eeyore and Piglet and Owl and Tigger and Kanga and Roo and Christopher Robin," Jim Dale - said Christopher Robin, Christopher Robin - "because I've got something to show you all and it's something very big indeed." Jim Dale - When Christopher Robin had finished wiping the dollops of sperm off of his fingers and onto his handkerchief and off his handkerchief and back onto his fingers and off his fingers and in his mouth, he handed Pooh the piece of paper. Christopher Robin - "I won this at school," Jim Dale - he said, Christopher Robin - "for teasing the trout and shooting my jizz more than fifty yards!" Jim Dale - Piglet gaped open mouthed at the size of this feat. Piglet - "But it's bigger than I am!" Jim Dale - worried Piglet. Christopher Robin nodded. He had had it himself and Christopher Robin said to Pooh, Christopher Robin - "I've eaten a lot of penis and two surprisingly tasty testes, so I don't have room for the very fat, homosexual, bulldyke, midget, Jewish, handicapped, Nazi, nigger dick. I wondered Pooh whether you would be kind enough to eat it for me". Jim Dale - And Pooh was kind enough and did and liked it very much. Eeyore looked down at Piglet's potted meat cock. Eeyore - "Oooh, crisp and juicy! For crunchiness and fullness of flavour, there is nothing to beat Piglet's very fine, purple penis" Jim Dale - There was a very long pause. Christopher Robin - "My goodness," Jim Dale said Christopher Robin, looking at Eeyore, Christopher Robin - "it's nearly time for a donkey punch!" Jim Dale - Then Christopher Robin beat his fucking fist in Eeyore's face, so violently he ejaculated a golden shower of fucking pineapples...(yeah). The awful thing was that you probably thought this was funny. But it isn't...at all...ever...(sigh) I'm so done with this bullshit. You're just fucking gay faggots AND probably retarded. Listening to stupid recycled bullshit from Dirty Potter like this is fail. I think you should go shake your fucking pants and kill yourself instantly...umm...(ahem) meanwhile, these were the presents Christopher Robin brought for the other animals; For himself: his own cum, which they slurped before it turned dry and crusty. For Owl: a testicle case, in case he lost his testicles, because, oh well, it would take too long to explain. For Piglet: Two fat, wet, pink pussies and a mouldy penis, and it smelled a bit of mouldy penis. For Roo: A bottle of magic mushrooms for his first day at school. For Kanga: A set of seven, rubbery cocks, one for each day of the week. Eeyore did not know what a cock was or what it did, but it sounded necessary. For Tigger: A pogostick up the butt hole. For Rabbit: A book called "1001 Useful Hints for Spraying Christopher Robin with (gasp) Rich, (gasp) Damp (gasp) Shit" For Eeyore: Another huge arsehole, for farting from his front and his back, and that's really difficult! For Pooh: Watersports for removing the dirty poop from his bloody, fucking, bear boner. After that the animals settled down and made the biggest lumps of shit ever seen in the Hundred Acre Wood. A huge mound of ass poop and shit with masses of fresh fecal fun, too, surrounded by piles of old dick cheese. The turds came out in such a rush, that Pooh, Winnie the Pooh - "Made up a hum about it". Jim Dale - This is the hum which Pooh hummed to Piglet on the day which started like any other day and became a very special day indeed; Winnie the Pooh - "If you want to shit, you must put it in a Piglet. In the shit, if it is shitty, if it's shitty, in the shit. And you'll know when you have shitted how much shit you shit, yeeeeeesss, yoooou'll know what the amount is, so therefore you will DIE!!! And I hope that you enjoy it-" Eeyore - "Have we finished now, Christopher Robin? Can we go home and nurse our bruises?" Jim Dale - asked Eeyore. Christopher Robin' - "We've finished the first half, Eeyore" Jim Dale - said Christopher Robin. Eeyore - "More is there? Might have guessed there would be. Still, maybe we'll all DIE painfully". For those too lazy to read Trivia *Winnie the Pooh hints at his evil plans when he declares that everyone will die. *Despite being named in the title, Rabbit has little to no role in this chapter. Category:Dirty the Pooh Category:Audiobooks